when I will be grown up...

Do you know what you want to be when you will be grown up?

You know what? I will turn 40 next year- in one year and 7 weeks, to be exact- and I still don't know what I want to do with my life… Isn't that kind of sad and scary? Or maybe that's just the way it is with most people?

Around the age of 13 or 14 we had to start to think about our future profession in school. We had to start to think about what we would like to do when we would be grown up. I never had this one idea that seemed perfect for me. I thought about becoming a baker, a teacher, an art teacher, a decorator (decorating shop windows) and probably some dozens of other things. In the end- at the age of 20 I started teacher's college- though that this could combine my many interests- from working with children to arts and music and history and language etc… It turned out to be the three worst years of my life- but this is another story.

Today I am working full time in an office- it's not my dream job (but then there remains the question what my dream job would be.)- but I work with really nice people and I quite like most parts of my work and it has some other advantages- like working only 5- 10 minutes away from home.

But I do think a lot about all kinds of projects/ jobs/work I would like to do. I just can't decide. I am the kind of person that hates to leave his cozy, warm, familiar and secure cave. I have a hard time starting new things (not talking about knitting or sewing projects)… Sometimes I wish for something or someone to kick my ass and get me going- or I will end up staying at the same job until I will retire and regret that I never did what I truly wanted…

Over the last years I had many ideas and I did not realize even one of them:

• Playground designer and creator (there's a large space in our kibbutz that would be perfect for a nice playground/ park).
• Going back to teaching (I would be so motivated to do that… but not in Israel, I guess)
• Start a daycare with special focus on nature and outdoor
•  Start a creativity-club for knitting/ sewing etc
• Work in landscaping/ gardening
• Stay and work for the summer months on an "Alp"  (I never quite figured out how you call this in English-  a simple alpine farmers hut with pasture, only used in summer)
• Work in a hut or hostel in the mountains
• Work in peace-programs that would bring together people from different backgrounds (so important in this country)- especially kids- because they are our future.
• Children's book illustrator
• Design the interior of educational buildings (like schools, kindergartens, day cares…)

It's not as if I would have the necessary skills for all these things- but I tell myself that if I really, truly want something, I could learn whatever it takes… Like when I taught myself how to play the guitar.

Well- maybe I should try a little harder and finally start to prepare the way for some change?

I was inspired to write about this by Camilla's blog post.