I am in an emotional down… if that's the description.
I have no power for anything right now.
I used to have these moments much more often, so it's not new. I also know that I will get out of it sooner or later.
One thing bothering me since 10 years or more is my dream of an ideal life and reality.
Not that I have a bad life- no, I have a wonderful husband, I have 3 kids I love, we now have a nice house, I live in a nice place and have some friends… but I dream of being closer to nature. 9 hours every day in front of a computer screen, sitting… well, that's not what I should do. I love being outside, I love nature, I love gardening, flowers, herbs, forest etc…
I love being creative and work with my hands- knitting, sewing, drawing, digging dirt....
In addition I feel like I miss out on so many things connected to my kids. I am with them from around 16:00 on, but it never seems enough. The same with my husband. When the kids are finally in bed and the most urgent housework is done I am usually so tired that I have not much energy left for anything- and as much as I dream of a nice cup of tea together on the balcony and some nice conversation- well, we hardly get to this.
Since some 10 years I daydream about what I could change, what I would like to do (mainly work wise)… and I never reach a good solution or I am too scared to change anything in the good working, secure every-day-life.
The perfect opportunity will not fall from the sky- I can wait forever, I know that and still....